37 thoughts upon finishing 1pp

This week I finished the first “first page proofs” I have ever done. It felt rather epic. This was basically the last chance I’d ever get to look at my book and make it perfect. Perfection, however, Platonic perfection, is very elusive. I was actually taking out and putting in Post-its while on my way to Fed-Ex. I’m sure I’ll be giving my lovely editor fits (Hi, Kerri!)

Anyhoo. I thought it might be fun to reflect upon some of the thoughts I had while doing the proofs.

1. Wow. Book. My book looks like a book.
2. It’s so pretty! Look at this chapter heading!
3. Oh, this is wrong. They totally left out a word here.
4. (After checking against manuscript.) Um, I mean, I left out a word here.
5. Wow, it’s so pretty! Look at this chapter heading!
6. This is awkward. Who wrote this? What kind of crap was I thinking with this sentence? I’m going to fix it.
7. Hmmm… no, actually, that first way might have been better.
8. No, no, I was on the right track. It is crap. Now, can I fix it without rewriting this page?
9. I wonder if I have email?
10. Oh. Oh, brilliant. This will fix it.
11. My lord, it’s so pretty! Look at this chapter heading!
12. OMG, OMG, I love how they framed this list.
13. This is really gorgeous design.
14. Okay, now they left out a sentence. Holy crap. What if I didn’t catch them all? (Starts back through.) Should I compare each sentence to the original? That will take forever!
15. This is a good scene.
16. No, no this is really awkward. I didn’t need this. Why didn’t I take it out when my editor suggested it? I’m so dumb. Will she get mad if I ask to take it out now?
17. No one will read past this part. It’s so terrible. Why did anyone buy this book? I’m such a hack.
18. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This is so funny. This is really, really funny. Except for this comma splice. Otherwise, this is great. People are going to love it. I’m damn good.
19. It’s so pretty! Look at this chapter heading!
20. Oh wow, I can’t believe I wrote this. They’re going to kill me. I’m going to get disappeared. I’m going to get sued.
21. Uh-oh. I got these terms totally mixed up for a about a chapter and a half. I have to go through and change them all. Crap. (Consults with others about change.) Maybe I should just change the original. Maybe I should change the whole thing and use words that make more sense to outsiders.
22. No, now I’m just being batty. Fix it. Go forward.
23. Oh, this is crap, total crap.
24. This is formatted wrong.
25. This isn’t funny at all. How come none of us realized how unfunny this was? I’m a hack.
26. This is great! This is so hilarious! This is the best book ever. I love this. Look what she does here. This is fabulous!
27. It’s so pretty! Look at this chapter heading!
28. What horrible grammar. How come we didn’t catch this?
29. Oops, I forgot to make this change consistent throughout the book.
30. I can’t believe I took it here. This is career suicide. I’m going to get letters, I just know it. Why couldn’t I have done it the normal way? But it’s also really interesting. I’m a Writer Who Makes Interesting Choices. That’s what they’ll say. Or maybe not.
31. This is good. I like it. I like my book. I’m proud of it. Except for this part. This could have been better.
32. This is what the reviews will complain about. I know it already. I should never have done this.
33. Huh, I didn’t realize I put that in there. That’s pretty good. I should remember that for the sequel.
34. Oh, wow, is this character going to get it in the sequel! I love this part!
35. It’s so pretty! Look at this chapter heading!
36. Okay, that’s it. That’s the best I can do. It is what it is. And I like it. I like my book. I may love it. Especially the chapter headings. And this scene here.
37. Except…