Golden Heart roundup

Preliminary note: I do not delete comments from this blog, unless they are spam. If you spam my blog, I’m deleting your comment. Even if it’s author promo spam. You’ve been warned. I am both shocked and disappointed by the spam I received this morning. If you want me to talk about your book release on my blog, ask me. If you want to work it into the comments thread conversation (i.e., hey, interesting you should mention getting your hair cut, Diana. The Heroine of my upcoming book, BOOK TITLE, PUBLISHER, RELEASE DATE, LINK TO WEBSITE, has hair), be my guest. But spamming random year-old comments is not only pointless (who will see it?) but it’s also rude.

Okay, on to the blog:

Another year, another batch of Golden Heart entries. I was actually extremely impressed by the turnout this year. The first year I judged, there were some truly unreadable entries. I wasn’t sure if the person spoke English. Last year, things were mostly decent. Not great, but not wretched. This year, I’d venture to say that all the entries I judged were written well.

Which unfortunately, made me focus on the other big problems: completely implausible plots and the “meh.” (Also a great description of it here.)

Several of the entries had writing that was completely workable, and decent plots, but nothing that stood out or said anything new. I never cringed at the prose, but neither did I marvel, laugh, snicker, cry, gasp, catch my breath, or smile. The plots were… okay. I didn’t care enormously about the characters. I wasn’t completely disappointed that I didn’t know what would happen next.

One story had good writing, but a plotline that had me shaking my head from the early pages. Now, I can will suspension of disbelief as much as the next girl, but we all have our limits. And I know that any given industry is rarely presented in the most realistic manner possible, but the premise described in this story was so abjectly unbelievable that I kept asking myself, “is she kidding me with this crap?” Not a single aspect of it was even remotely close to anything that would happen in the real world. Not only that, but there was no reason given that would begin to justify the oddness of it all. If I’d been reading this in a book, I’d have thrown it against the wall a few times by page 15. I’m not just talking a problem with the author’s grip on reality. I’m talking about a serious misapprehension of the purpose of the industry that the author is writing about, not to mention the purpose of advertising said industry. And the motivation of everyone involved to do what they are supposedly doing. On a GRAND scale. And not in a funny, THE PRODUCERS-style, “let’s suck on purpose” kind of way.

This is why I hate the Golden Heart contest. Because I can only give this person a number. I can’t say, “your heroine is fun, and your writing rocks, but seriously, are you kidding me with this crap?” This would never ever ever ever ever ever ever happen. And even if it would happen, you’ve given no one any reason to think so.

And then, of course, the question. Do I give the good writing/bizarre story entry a better or worse score than the meh writing/meh story entry? I wouldn’t sweat it if I could explain to the author what I thought was wrong. Neither of these entries are going to be getting scores that would place them in the final round, methinks, so they never hear from me.

Maybe I’ll prowl around, try to find the writer of the story, strike up a friendship with her, and tell her her plot is insane. After all, I am no stranger to conspiracies… 😉 Just kidding, just kidding!