Spygirls

Today, we’re going to drop all this serious industry talk, and go for something fun. I just finished reading Ally Carter’s new book, I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have To Kill You (a mouthful, so we’re going to call it “Love You/Kill You” for the duration to this blog). It’s a superfun YA novel about girls who go to a top-secret school for spies.

I have been obsesed with this book since first reading about its sale on Publisher’s Marketplace about a year ago. And by “obsessed,” I mean, I emailed my agent and said, “Oh no. This girl just sold a book the title of which is totally the punch line in my prologue!” And of course, she wrote back and said, “I know. Ally’s agent and I have been laughing about that all week. Don’t worry, her book is nothing like yours.”

See, we’re so paranoid, we writers. Then, of course, Ally Carter started stalking me at the RWA National convention. Seriously, she showed up at all my workshops. I can’t imagine why another about-to-be-published author writing chick lit (her first book, Cheating at Solitaire, came out in December) would be drawn to the same workshops I was. She had to be following me, right? Since I hadn’t yet read her book, I had no idea how to lose a tail. So I did what anyone might do in that situation. I decided to make friends. And I discovered that aside from being a “pavement artist” par excellence, Ally Carter was also really sweet, really funny, and has fabulous taste in skirts and margaritas.

Recently, I spoke to her about her new release.

Who is your favorite fictional spy (that you didn’t invent) and why?

This is really hard for me. Really hard, because while I can easily eliminate James Bond and Austin Powers, it’s not easy to choose between Cary Grant in Charade and Robert Redford in Spy Game…and how much did I love that old 80’s show Scarecrow and Mrs. King—so, so much!

But ultimately, for me, it comes down to Jason Bourne and Sydney Bristow. I dearly love Jason Bourne—love him—and probably would even if Matt Damon didn’t play him. After all, remember in The Bourne Identity when he was trying to escape the embassy and he knocked out a guard then took his radio so that he could hear where the other guards were, and then he took the fire escape map off the wall—so smart! I fell instantly in love with him.

But my girl Sydney Bristow really redefined the genre. She is the epitome of a Gallagher Girl, so I gotta be true to the sisterhood.

Ah, I must admit, I have seen neither the Bourne movies nor Alias. I have this… thing… about Matt Damon. Some kind of allergy, I think. But one of my best friends thinks the Bourne books are the best spy books ever. And I suppose one of these days I’ll put Alias on my Netflix. I really love Victor Garber.

Moving on: If you could have any of the gadgets that the Gallagher Girls used, which would it be and why?

Oh boy. Let me think. It’s not really a gadget, per se, but I’d love to have secret passageways in my house like they have at the Gallagher Academy. I always wanted them as a kid, in fact I was convinced there were some and would go looking for them only to be disappointed to find a hot water heater instead. So if I had some walls that spin around and bookcases that open up, that’d be pretty cool.

I would love to have a secret passageway in my house! I remember once, when we were shopping for houses when I was a little girl, we saw one that had a bombshelter hidden behind a wall. That was the coolest thing ever. I can’t believe my parents didn’t buy that house.

Or, there’s always the bulletproof gel that, according to Cammie, “…makes quite the believable Wonderbra.”

I think every girl could use one of those!

Now, revealing my ignorance: where the heck is Brunei and what is their chief export?

Brunei is in Southeastern Asia, bordering Malaysia and the South China Sea. Their chief export is crude oil and natural gas.

And this, ladies and gents, is why I am not a spy. Also, I don’t speak fourteen languages. I barely speak one.

Are you more Bex, Cammie, or Liz?

Well, Bex looks like a supermodel and Liz is scored the highest grade on the third grade achievement tests EVER, so I guess that leaves Cammie. She’s the most ordinary of the Gallagher Girls—not the smartest, not the most athletic. Plus, my mom was a teacher just like Cammie’s mom, and teacher’s kids can’t get away with anything, and everyone thinks we’ve got the inside scoop. It’s incredibly annoying, so that’s something of myself I just had to give Cammie.

I think Ally is being a bit modest here. Have you see her promo pic? Plus, there’s the aforementioned fabulous fashion sense.

What would be your code name and why?

Oh, tough one. Phoenix I guess because that’s Sydney Bristow’s codename on Alias, and I do want to be just like Sydney Bristow!

Phoenix is a great name. I’d probably be the goofy spy so maybe I’d pick something like Trillian.

Which of these questions did you feel the greatest temptation to answer with “I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you?”

All of them. It’s an addiction. Once you start saying it you just can’t stop!

Ain’t that the truth! Well ladies and gents, there you have it! A fabulous release by a rocking author. If you like humor, and secrets, and hidden passageways (and really, who doesn’t? Must remember to put a secret passageway in my next SSG book!) join the spygirls at the Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Women.