An Open Letter to My Health

Dear Health,

I miss you. I’m not accustomed to your absence. Your replacement, Sickliness, is not my kind of character, if you know what I mean. Since your abrupt departure, he’s made himself the most inconvenient houseguest. The place is a mess, and I’m positive he’s responsible. Plus, he’s devoured all my healthy food, and my unhealthy food, and is always in the way when I want to go out to buy more. He’s distracting me from my work, and he’s even trying the patience of Sailor Boy. And, not to put too fine a point on it, but I didn’t expect my Kleenex and Tylenol budget to be quite so high this year.

I don’t think I appreciated you when you were around. What can I do to bring you back? I’ve made myself as attractive as possible: lots of sleep, loads of liquids, washing hands with plenty of hot water and antibacterial soap. I know you like ginger tea. I’m all stocked up. I even made homemade chicken noodle soup: your favorite. It’s almost gone now and you still aren’t back.

You should know me well enough by now to realize that I’m no good without you. You make the winter less dark and dreary, the cold weather less acute, and the night time more… restful.
Unlike my new companion, you never force me to put nasty chemicals like acetaminophen and ibuprofen into my bloodstream.

Come back to me, my darling. We’ll have so much fun together. I promise I’ll eat more veggies, and drink less caffeine. I’ll exercise. Whatever it takes. I need you.

Pathetically yours,
Diana’s Body