Breakups and Sex-ed

So the Smart Bitches have put up their “worst breakup stories” posts, and some of them are real doozies. Most are sad, many uplifting, or funny, and some are truly psychopathic. I cannot believe the woman who murdered her ex’s dog. And she seemed so happy about it too — like it was a cool thing to do! It’s a good thing she took her name off of that one! I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that so many of them involve people’s “firsts.” There is something to be said for that, I think. My favorite was the one where the guy moved to Europe and accused his girlfriend back home of cheating on him so he didn’t feel guilty doing it over there. Asswipe. But I don’t know if I have anything to hold a candle to the one where the man simply walked out on his 9-months pregnant wife and told her “not to ask why” and never returned a phone call. I can’t decide if that guy or the dog-killer was the biggest nutjob, though of course, the dog-killer represented herself as the “victim” in that story. What about the pooch?!?

I think we’re destined for more horrific breakup stories is stuff like this keeps happening. Short version:

the ‘‘contraception comparison chart” used in eighth-grade health class at Herbert Hoover Middle School describes three types of abstinence: No intercourse, withdrawal (ejaculation outside of the body) and rhythm (no intercourse during ovulation). ‘‘Since when did the term abstinence change to include the two most ineffective forms of birth control possible?”

How shocking is that? Actually, maybe it’s not so shocking in this day and age. The incredible stupid, dangerous, and appalling things my college classmates didn’t understand about sex was probably due to bonehead stuff like this. The sex ed teacher peddling this garbage argued that it was fine:

‘‘I was told by my son’s health teacher that withdrawal and rhythm are considered abstinence because [sexual partners] are refraining from what they want to do.”

Abstinence is not having sex, period. I’ll give you maybe “occasional abstinence” for that other stuff. But seriously, if you tell your children that “abstinence” is the best and only foolproof method of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, then list as a form of abstinence completely and totally unprotected sex… that’s just dumb. Both Planned Parenthood and the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington agreed on this one (and how often do you see *that* happening?):

Both Planned Parenthood of Maryland and the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington agreed with the parents that the definition was faulty.

‘‘Abstinence is when you’re not having sex, as simple as that,” said Wendy Royalty of Planned Parenthood.

And Susan Gibbs, archdiocese spokeswoman, also suggested another correction for the chart. ‘‘The use of the word ‘rhythm’ went out about 40 years ago when it was replaced with the term natural family planning,” she said.

Okay, whatever. Call it what you will, it still works the same. It gets worse, though:

Sees asked that more emphasis be placed on teaching students the pregnancy risk involved in withdrawal.

‘‘I was told [by MCPS staff] that it’s too complicated to explain to kids that you could get pregnant [from withdrawal]. I said, ‘Too complicated? It’s one sentence, easily understood,’” Sees said.

You know what’s a lot MORE complicated, Montgomery County? Pregnancy. STIs.

You know what’s a lot less complicated? Changing the damn chart. Here’s a suggestion: do it color coded, like the homeland security chart. Green is relatively safe, yellow is elevated risk, and red is imminent attack. A quick sketch of the possibilities, [Disclaimer] unresearched and not necessarily with all the ducks in a row:

To Avoid STIs
Abstinence
Condom
Nothing at all

To Avoid Pregnancy*
Abstinence
Vasectomy, etc.
Condom
Birth Control Pills/IUD
Sponges, Cervical Cap, Diaphram, etc.
Rhythm method/withdrawal
Nothing at all

(note that nothing in this column except for abstinence and condom use will protect against STIs)

I guess it can’t possibly be that simple, because of politics, and everything, huh?

This change comes as the school system is in the process of revising its sex education curriculum. In May, a federal judge blocked revisions to the curriculum that included a controversial video demonstrating condom use and a discussion of homosexuality after two groups sued. Last month, the school board appointed a new advisory committee to review curriculum being developed by county health teachers, administrators and outside consultants.

The definition of abstinence may well be in the eye of the policy maker, judging from the Web site of Office of Women’s Health at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Still, there’s hope:

A memo directing health teachers to revise the chart is now working its way through MCPS channels. Withdrawal and rhythm will now be listed under a new category of ‘‘no method.”

I worry about what kids are being taught. Growing up in the house of an OB-GYN, I know I got more than most. That was shown to me when I saw the misconceptions held by many of my COLLEGE classmates. (You don’t even want to know what some of them thought.) A friend told me recently that it’s even worse now, because sex education or anything other than “abstinence only” education (and we know now what that might mean) is not being taught in many school districts. My friend recently told me that the young men he meets who are coming out of college now, who are in their early 20s, don’t understand risk at all. They’ve been taught how not to make girls pregnant, but that’s it, and since they aren’t having sex with girls… well, then. That scares the crap out of me.

Um… good news Friday anyone? I need a drink already!