FAQ: On Being a Writer

Question: “What should I major in to become a writer?”

Answer: Major in anything you want. I did Geology, and then, because I wound up taking classes that worked for the Literature major (which fell into every category from Film to American Studies) I wrote another paper and took a second major in that. I think it’s better, actually, if you don’t major in English, Literature, or Writing. It means that you know stuff that every other yahoo trying to write a book out there doesn’t know. If you major in Epidemiology or Computer Science or 17th Century Danish History, while the rest of us are breaking our backs doing research for our books, you’re sitting pretty, because you already know all this stuff. Ask Tess Gerritsen or John Grisham or Michael Crichton.

Plus, it’s way easier to get a job to support you while you write with an Epidemiology or Computer Science degree. Danish History I don’t know about.

Question: “How hard a job is writing?”

Answer: 6.7. Kidding. It’s the best job ever, since I can work whenever and wherever I want, and I get paid for making things up. At the same time, it’s the hardest because the onus is entirely on me to create a demand. People don’t actually need what I do. I’m not a butcher or a baker or an overpriced espresso maker. So I have to write something that people actually want to spend their discretionary income on.

Question: “How do you respond to the blank stares from people when you say you’re a writer?”

Answer: I feel very lucky that I don’t get blank stares. I do however, get an automatic assumption that “I’m a writer” equals “unemployed.” The conversation goes like this:

Cocktail Party Guest: “I’m a lawyer. So, what do you do?”
Me: “I’m a novelist.”
CPG: “Oh. Um, er, anything… published?”
Me: “Yes. My third book comes out from Random House this month.” (Inwardly, I wonder why no one ever responds to “I’m a lawyer,” with “Oh, Um, er… an employed one?” Yet the assumption is that I’m an out of work novelist. Believe me, if I were, I would say something like, “I’m a barista at Starbucks” or etc.)

I’ve taken to telling folks at cocktail parties that I’m a smoke jumper. More believable. Of course, then you do get blank stares.