Sick and sickos

Right now, I sound like the chick from the Exorcist. I spent most of yesterday in bed, snuggled up with a gorgeous redhead.

“What, mommy? Your nose is stuffed up? Is it filled with mud, like mine? I was digging er, working in the garden. Are you sick? Do you wanna cuddle?”

Anyway, I’m far too sick to properly respond to this ridiculous assertion of Maureen Johnson’s, in which she compares unicorns to her broken bathtub drain. She also links to Lauren Myracle’s recent video defending unicorns. This is it:

Now, I’m sure Lauren Myracle is a very nice person (as much as John Green assures his highly trained corps of killer nerdfighters that I must be a very nice person), and she certainly seems to have quite a bit of time on her hands, what with the video-making and all — but she’s kind of missing the point. One is never going to win the zombies v unicorn debate by focusing on the mystical, sparkly, magical attributes of unicorns.

Unicorners: “Oh, unicorns, they’re so pretty!”

Zombites: “Yeah, but zombies will eat your braaaaaaaaaaaaains!”

It’s a losing argument. We gotta turn the page on this sparkly thing. Unicorns are tough. Who do they hang out with? Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great. Genghis Khan. Robocop:

Clearly, we’re looking at a creature that can easily overcome the relentless, drone-like abilities of the mindless dead. Unicorns have strength, power, military acuity, a ton of endorsements from some seriously scary warlords, and, as if that weren’t enough, a big sharp horn right at brain-piercing height that can easily overcome any zombie long before they get into biting range.

No contest, really.

Anyway, that’s the argument I’d be making if I weren’t to sick to do anything but stagger, zombie-like, back to bed. Here, Rio!